Phallic Vegetables Are Never Enough
by ultracat75
Summary: Carlisle's been one busy mo-fo since becoming chief of surgery, leaving Esme at home singin’ the lonely housewife blues. Can a new feisty BFF help Esme get her sexy groove back? One-shot for Esme’s Erotic Ecstasy Contest. AH/OOC canon couples


**kikiwhore presents Esme's Erotic Ecstasy Contest**

**Story Title: Phallic Vegetables Are Never Enough**

**Author: Ultracat75**

**Pairing: Esme/Carlisle**

**Vamp or Human: Human**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight!**

**Esme Cullen, 1989**

_I was on my knees, pretending to scrub the already spotless floor of the kitchen. I had a plan for some sexy time with my husband, who was due home any minute. _

"_Mrs. Cullen, I'm home!" Carlisle sang. "I'll never tire of saying that," he mused as he walked in behind me. _

"_Hi sweetheart! How was your day?" I asked brightly. When he didn't respond, I turned around to look up at him. "What's the matter, cutie? Cat got your tongue?" I winked._

"_Esme, what are you… what are you doing?" he gasped, pawing a heavy hand over his face._

"_Oh, I just thought the floor needed a scrub," I giggled._

"_What, pray tell, are you wearing, love?" he gaped, his eyes raking greedily over my body._

"_Oh this? It's just an old sundress I found in a box, but it's too tight to wear for anything other than cleaning, hmm?" I tugged at the dangerously high hemline. _

_I smirked and turned back around, sticking my ass in the air with a wiggle._

"_Darling, where are your underwear?" he gasped._

"_Well, my panties were just going to get all dirty once you came home anyway, so I threw them into the laundry." I explained._

"_Esme," he growled. "That so-called dress does not leave much to the imagination. Your ass and your breasts are barely covered." _

_He stalked toward me, loosening his tie and throwing it onto the counter. "I should warn you… I'm going to be ravishing you in about 10 seconds."_

_I squealed and jumped up, running toward the living room as he chased me through the hall. _

"_Carlisle!" I laughed, his strong arms circling my waist from behind as he caught up to me and tickled my sides. His lips found the back of my neck and he sniffed at my hair. He spun me around, his lips crashing into mine. _

_His smooth hands made their way down my back and cradled my ass. He caressed my thighs and tugged gently on the hem of my dress. He slowly slid his hands up under it, grazing my red-hot skin all the way up and peeling the thin material away from my naked body. He hungrily eyed my breasts, taking one in his mouth and sucking gently, his hand moving slowly up to massage the other. I moaned and moved my hands into his hair. _

"_Fuck me, Esme, you are exquisite," he groaned against my chest. "Your nipples are so fucking hard." I shivered at his use of foul language. It was so sensual that it made my thighs quiver._

"_Carlisle," I gasped. "I want you so much." He growled again and swept me up into his arms, carrying me into our bedroom. _

_He gently placed me on top of our bed and stepped back in order to rid himself of his own clothing. He was so frantic that he slowed himself down, attempting to pull his pants off before his shoes. "Blast!" he exclaimed with a huff and I giggled at his nearly naked form sprawled out on the floor. His display gave me quite the view of his straining muscles. My eyes glazed over a bit, taking in all of his nakedness. I still wasn't accustomed to being so intimate with my new husband. _

_Finally rid of his clothes, he blushed slightly from his awkwardness but then slinked back over to me like a tiger stalking its prey. "You like what you see, Mrs. Cullen?" he said in a low voice. He crept up onto the bed and slowly eased on top of my body. I could feel his hardness graze my thigh. _

"_Yes, very much, Mr. Cullen," I whispered, gazing into his blue eyes and running my hands through his dark blonde curls, which were flopping into his face. His mouth met mine hungrily. Our touches and caresses were greedy and still exploring each other. He positioned himself at my aching entrance. "Carlisle," I groaned into his ear as he pushed his way inside of me. _

"_Ungh… Esme, love," he grunted in between kisses as he set his pace above me. "You feel so fucking incredible." Our sweaty bodies made love until we were tangled up in each other, completely spent. _

_The timer went off in the kitchen, indicating that my roast was done. _

"_Dinner's ready, darling…" I said dreamily._

"_Let's drink the champagne your father gave us," he said excitedly. _

"_What's the occasion?" I asked, amused. _

"_Do I need an occasion other than being madly in love with my beautiful, sexy wife?" he smiled and kissed me gently on the lips. Carlisle grabbed my hand in his and led me off the bed and into the kitchen. _

_Not wanting to burn my naked flesh, I grabbed a small apron and tied it around my waist while Carlisle went to another room to grab the champagne. After drooling at the sight of his bare ass, I snapped out of it and took the roast out of the oven. I grabbed some strawberries from the fridge to put in the champagne flutes. I heard him moan behind me and turned around to see Carlisle stalking toward me with dark eyes._

"_Darling, you will be the death of me," he chuckled. "What on earth are you wearing now?"_

_I shrugged and tugged slowly at the strings of the apron. _

_He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Forget dinner. I want dessert." He grabbed me again along with the champagne. "Grab the strawberries, love. I want to taste them on you…"_

**Esme Cullen, 2009**

_Holy fuck, what a flashback! _I thought. I was on my knees scrubbing the fireplace in our junk room. _That memory was so vivid_.

I missed those carefree days before the kids. I'd been thinking about them more often lately, when we were newlyweds 19 years ago. We used to ravish each other on every surface of the house.

"Pfft!" I sighed, blowing the bangs out of my face.

"Damn grime!" I huffed. "Did the previous owners ever clean this thing?" We had just purchased this house a year ago after Carlisle's promotion to chief of surgery, and this fireplace had been completely neglected. With three teenagers plus an extremely busy husband, it was last on my list of priorities.

Carlisle wasn't due home until much later. He would no doubt be exhausted again from his 32-hour shift. His long days away from home were harder on him then they were on me. But, I couldn't help feeling lonely all the time. Most nights I'd just get a good night kiss before Carlisle would collapse from exhaustion. I missed what that man could do with his lips, his fingers, and his cock. _Sigh_…

I went to the bathroom to wash up. I stared at my reflection. _What happened to that young, sexually confident girl who fell madly in love at age 19?_ I was now a frumpy housewife. I usually opted for comfort over style.

I walked back to the kitchen and got some cookies out for the kids. I heard their cars pulling into the driveway.

"OMG! NO WAY!" Alice shrieked, giggling with her friends, Rosalie and Bella. "You are so going to regret going on a date with him!"

"Seriously. Bella, I mean, come on. Mike Newton? Like, what were you thinking saying yes?" Rosalie laughed.

"I don't know! I'm just really confused guys!" Bella whined. "Mike is so persistent and doesn't take no for an answer! I wanted to talk to you guys. I like someone else, but he doesn't..." she stopped, blushing as they entered the kitchen. "Oh hi, Mrs. Cullen," she said shyly.

"Please, call me Esme, sweetheart." I said sincerely. She was relatively new in town but clicked right away with Alice and Alice's best friend Rose.

"I smell COOKIES!" Emmett bellowed. "Thanks Mom! You're the best!" He crammed a cookie in his mouth before grabbing me in a giant hug, my feet dangling off the floor. I still wasn't used to my first-born son being a foot taller than me. _Who gave these children permission to grow up so fast?_

"Yummy, chocolate chip! Thanks, Mom!" cheered Alice. "You guys want milk?" Bella and Rosalie nodded enthusiastically before helping Alice with the glasses.

"Esme, I worship your baked goods." Rose declared with a serious expression.

"You're my kind of girl, Rosie!" Emmett laughed and roughly put his arm around her. I was surprised she wasn't smacking him on the head like she usually did.

My third child came in then. Edward was definitely quieter than my other two knuckleheads, but today he seemed extra contemplative. He kissed me gently on the cheek with a worried little smile. His eyes darted directly to Bella and I wondered if my son had a crush.

"You want some cookies, sweetheart?" I asked Edward. Emmett and the girls ran out into the hallway and down the stairs, stomping their way to the game room. Bella lingered a bit, smiling shyly at Edward before heading downstairs.

I looked behind Edward, expecting to see the last member of their little crew. "Where's Jasper, honey?"

"Aww, he and Alice had a big fight during lunch," he groaned. "She threw her water at him. I don't know what happened, but they'll probably be back together by lunchtime tomorrow." Edward said, half amused and half annoyed with Alice's usual antics. "Yeah, I'll take a few. Thanks, Mom." He grabbed some and made his way downstairs, following the shrieks coming from the game room.

I felt a little bad for Edward now that Alice was dating his best friend, but he seemed to take it in stride. Although, I'd have to talk with Alice later about not blowing things out of proportion all the time.

The timer chirped, indicating that I'd have to stir the chili that had been simmering all afternoon. "No rest for the wicked," I mused.

**Carlisle POV**

"Dr. Cullen? They're waiting for you in Room 3."

"Thanks, Jane," I nodded to the nurse. "What's it going to be today?"

"Looks like an appendix removal."

"Great, thanks Jane." _No interns around to deal with this one, eh? No residents in sight either. Typical._ I shook my head and made my way around the nurses' station to look up the chart.

"Want some of Alex's birthday cake, Dr. Cullen? It's strawberry, his favorite," offered Jane.

"Sure, I've got a few minutes. Thank you." I grabbed a piece that had a fresh strawberry on top.

I tasted it and groaned. _Lord, this takes me back._ I was instantly brought back to the honeymoon phase of my marriage when Esme and I would drink champagne all night and feed each other strawberries…

"_Ungh, Carlisle… Oh! That feels so good. Right there, baby!" she groaned, arching her back with her perky tits in the air as I rubbed a strawberry up and down her vagina, following it with my tongue. _

_I slurped up her juices along with the flesh of the strawberry. "Esme, baby, you taste so fucking delicious…"_

"…so fucking delicious," I murmured.

"Excuse me? What was that Dr. Cullen?"

"Uh… uh…" _Fuck, did I just say that out loud? _I panicked, snapping out of my daze. "This cake is delicious, Jane. Thank you." I threw away the empty plate and fork and hurried off to check on my next patient.

I hoped this appendectomy didn't take long. I was so damn sexually frustrated lately, but it had nothing to do with my sweet, gorgeous Esme. I had been working so many long hours that I'd always pass out immediately after arriving home. I was determined to get off work early tonight to ravish my long neglected wife.

**Esme POV**

"Will you girls be staying for dinner?" I asked Bella and Rose. "We're having chili."

"BOO-YAH!!" Emmett yelled. "In your FACE, Ali!"

"Emm-ett!!!" Alice whined. "You cheated!"

"How can you cheat at Wii?" he laughed. "It's not my fault you suck!"

"Yes, please Esme," Rose said. "It's smells soooo good!"

"Damn, woman! You always think with your stomach?" Emmett laughed and immediately received a head smack from Rosalie.

"Emmett! Watch the language!" I scolded. "Rosalie is going to knock your head clean off one of these days." I couldn't help but laugh at his sudden pout.

I turned toward Bella. "What about you, honey? Would you like to eat with us? I'm making homemade cornbread, Edward's favorite." Edward looked up at Bella with a huge, toothy grin.

Bella winced and said, "Gee, thanks, Esme, but I'm sorry, I can't tonight."

_And there went Edward's smile. Yep, he's got it bad. _

"That's alright, sweetheart, another time then. Do you need a ride home?"

"I can take her home, Mom." Edward interjected quickly.

"Oh, um. Thanks, Edward, but my mom's picking me up soon," Bella said. "She's really anxious to spend more time with me since she and my dad got back together. She just moved back to Forks about a week ago."

"Oh, do I know her?" I asked, intrigued.

"You probably wouldn't know her, um… I'm not sure. Her name is Renee Swan," Bella said. "Well, her maiden name is Phillips." I just shook my head. "She moved here with my dad after college but they broke up soon after I was born," she explained.

"Oh no, that's too bad, Bella." I said, concerned. "But they're back together now?"

"My mom and I had moved away to Phoenix, but I came back up here every summer. I missed my dad, so I decided to live with him. I wanted to see what Forks High was like," she smiled. "My mom missed me and came up for a visit last month. She and my dad just clicked again," she laughed. "I really like Forks. A lot. For more reasons than just that," she added, looking straight at my son's face with a shy smile.

Edward coughed nervously and looked right back into her eyes. Something was definitely smoldering between these two. I'd have to ask Edward later what was going on, especially if Bella was about to go on a date with the Newton boy. I didn't want to pry, but I liked to be in the loop with my kids, especially if they could be setting themselves up for heartbreak.

The doorbell interrupted us. "That must be your mom, Bella," I said. "I'll go let her in. Take your time." I said, looking back and forth between her and Edward.

oOoOo

"Hello, you must be Renee. I'm Esme Cullen."

"Esme! I've heard so much about you from Bella. I'm Renee Phillips. I mean, Renee Swan!" she chuckled. "I'll have to get used to saying that name again, huh?" she said, smiling. "I'm sorry, Esme, I'm just so over the moon right now!" she said dreamily.

I laughed in response, "It's okay, Renee. Please come in."

We sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and I poured some decaf.

"You've got such a lovely home," she said. She was definitely unique. She was wearing a purple leopard print blouse with a short black skirt, but somehow she made it look charming.

"Thank you so much." I said, clearing my throat. "Bella is such a sweet girl. My kids love having her here."

"She really is the best, isn't she?" Renee gushed. "She seems to have quite a soft spot for your son," she winked.

"I hope so," I said, sipping my coffee. "He seems to have quite the crush on her as well."

We continued talking for several minutes. It had been a long time since I had clicked with someone this quickly. She told me about renewing her relationship with her husband Charlie, and how excited she was to be back in Bella's life full time again.

As I cut up some salad vegetables, I confided in her about my quiet, lonely days when everyone was out of the house.

"You do look a bit lonely, Esme," she smiled sympathetically. "Tell me, how long has it been since you and Carlisle had sex, Esme? I mean, _really _had a good fuck?" I nearly spit out my decaf.

"Umm… about six months?" _Why am I suddenly discussing my sex life with a total stranger? _I wondered. There was something about Renee that put me at ease.

Renee did a spit take herself. "Six months? Well damn, honey, it looks like you need some masturbation time!"

"Uh…" I blinked, not knowing how to respond.

"Hell, pick up one of those cucumbers you're chopping and get to work, girl! Go on Esme, celebrate yourself!" Renee said excitedly as my eyes got wider.

"Get that cuke to work, girl. You know, eat it with your _other _lips," she winked. "You remember them… come on, your _pussy _lips?" I again spit out the coffee I had just taken a sip of.

"Shhh! Renee! The kids are downstairs!" I laughed. "Besides, I don't think I've… you know what… in nearly 20 years." I said, my face burning with a blush. I don't think I had blushed this hard in over 20 years either.

"What!? You mean to tell me that you haven't masturbated in 20 years?" Renee exclaimed.

"Well, I've hardly had the need to with a husband around."

"A husband who's gone for days on end and is utterly exhausted once he's finally in your bed," Renee scolded.

"Okay, okay, you're right. Maybe I should consider masturbation again," I said, defeated. "It _would _feel nice to get the juices flowing again."

"That's my girl!" Renee laughed. "You should probably try one of these carrots first, though, honey. Wouldn't want your vagina to freak out from sudden use," she smirked.

I snorted and slapped Renee on the shoulder with a dishtowel as Bella came bouncing up the stairs with Edward following quickly behind her.

"Hi, honey. Have a good day?" Renee hugged Bella and then peeked around her to look at my son. "You must be Edward," she said with a grin.

"Yes ma'am. Hello. It's very nice to meet you," Edward said nervously, holding out his hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Edward." Renee smiled, shaking his hand, and winked at Bella. "He sure is handsome, isn't he, sweetie? And so polite too!"

"Oh my god! Mom!" Bella whined. "Let's go!"

Renee chuckled and we said our goodbyes as Edward and I followed them out the front door and onto the porch. Edward immediately grabbed Bella's hand and walked her down toward the car. He started whispering to her as I turned back around to Renee.

"You know, Renee. I haven't laughed that much in ages. You should come by for coffee again sometime. Well, maybe we should just drink water. Easier to clean up," I chuckled.

"Why, hon, that's a great idea!" Renee smiled. "I haven't been able to find a job yet and I'm just bored to death in that house waiting for Bella and Charlie to get home. Let's plan a play date!" she laughed and clapped. "How about tomorrow?"

"Sure" I smiled, "What time?"

Renee chuckled. "How about 8:30, after the kids leave for school?"

"Sounds great, Renee," I smiled. I hadn't had a female friend to visit with like this in a long time, and she certainly was a saucy one. I waved as she and Bella got in their car and drove off while Edward walked back inside.

oOoOo

After dinner, the kids took Rosalie home and then went to go study in their rooms. I still had a few hours to kill before Carlisle was due home from work. I put the leftover chili in the fridge and eyed the bag of carrots inside.

_No. This is insane! _I shut the fridge door. _Carrots? Seriously, Esme, what are you thinking?_ I grabbed a glass to get some ice water.

My increasingly horny thoughts, however, kept me in the kitchen and I finally mumbled, "Fuck it" and stomped back over to the fridge. _Just one. I'll just try one to see how it feels._

Renee had made it sound almost normal. I opened the fridge and grabbed the carrot bag, fumbling around in search of a good one.

_I'll just try a little one first and then if everything goes well, I'll try a thicker one. Hmm, maybe I should get the vegetable peeler out…_

"Hey Mom! Grabbing a snack? Odd choice of dessert," Emmett said suddenly, as I flung the bag into the air and jumped.

"Emmett! You scared me half to death!" I panted, caught red handed. _He doesn't know what the hell you're up to, Esme… breathe! _"Uh yeah, I just wanted a snack," I said sheepishly. _Yeah, just a little snack… for my pussy. Sheesh._

"Cool. Well, goodnight!" he said, after getting a glass of water for himself and stomping back up the stairs to his room.

_Jesus H. Christ, get a grip._ I chastised myself. _For shit's sake, Esme, just take the damn bag up to your room and quit fumbling around here before you get caught again!_

oOoOo

After making sure the door was locked, I ran the water in the large bathtub in our master bathroom. I took a carrot out of the bag and washed it in the sink, making sure there weren't any weird strings or debris hanging off it. I stripped out of my clothes and sank down into the tub. _Well, here goes nothing_, I thought.

I began to touch my breasts softly as I thought again of another encounter from my first few blissful years with Carlisle…

"_The washing machine? Carlisle, you are a dirty bastard, aren't you?" I giggled as he ran desperately over to the running washer and plopped me down half naked on top of it._

"_Take these panties off, now, Esme, before I fucking explode and cum all over your exquisite tits," he growled against my bare chest._

"Uhh…" I panted as I positioned the carrot near my now aching pussy. I pushed it in slowly and imagined that it was one of Carlisle's magical surgeon fingers.

"_You like the washing machine now, don't you baby?" he gasped between sloppy kisses as he helped me grind my clit against the top of the machine. "You fucking love that spin cycle, don't you?"_

"_Yes…" I gasped and attacked his lips once again._

"_Fuck me, Esme… darling, you look so fucking hot up there." He plunged his fingers into my pussy and somehow moved my body around so that my clit was still getting rubbed raw by the vibrating machine._

"_How… the fuck… are you doing this?" I gasped, vibrating into oblivion and not really caring what the answer was as my closed eyelids exploded in vivid colors. _

I gasped at the memory as I came all over that freaking carrot. _Okay, that was pretty awesome, but so not the same as the real thing._

_I wonder if Carlisle will be frisky tonight?_

I sighed and got out of the tub, draining it and throwing on a bathrobe. _I can't throw this carrot out up here. I should have asked Renee about the clean-up. Should I put it in the garbage disposal downstairs? Eww… _

oOoOo

Carlisle came home well after midnight, bleary eyed. I stayed up for him, as I usually did, and reheated some chili for him.

"Hi honey, I'm home," he smiled softly.

"Hi sweetheart," I said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"How are you?" he said and yawned. "Ooo, chili night." He grabbed the bowl and started chowing down as I sat down across from him.

"I'm good," I said, running a finger up and down the edge of my bathrobe, still naked underneath, my breathing getting heavier as I gazed at my still gorgeous husband. "How was your shift?"

"Exhausting," he sighed, barely looking up from the bowl. "Two of the residents called in sick, and I was dealing with a bunch of interns who barely knew how to find a vein!" he said, flustered. "I did an appendectomy, and we had a half dozen people show up with broken bones at the same time, and I was the only one who could reset them. Then there was a myocardial infarction that needed my immediate attention…"

"Oh no," I said, thoughtfully, "I'm sorry your night was so crazy."

"Yeah, I'm just so exhausted," he sighed and looked up at me with a hint of sadness in his eyes. He gave me another kiss on the cheek as he got up to rinse his bowl. "I'm taking a hot shower and getting into bed. Thanks for dinner, sweetie."

I followed him out of the kitchen and up to our room. He made a beeline for the bathroom and shut the door. I crawled into bed, trying to arrange my robe in a seductive way as I picked up a book off of my nightstand and set it back down. _I can't focus on anything in this horny state_.

After a few minutes, Carlisle opened the bathroom door with a _whoosh_, glistening and wearing only a towel, a cloud of steam coming out from behind him. _Mmmm… steamy. _

I was amazed that, after all these years, he still took my breath away. He was tall and lean, with a strong, smooth chest and chiseled arms. I gawked at him, horny as hell now, as he calmly made his way over to his dresser to throw on a pair of boxer shorts and a tight t-shirt.

"Sweetie, can you pick up some shaving cream the next time you go to the store?" he asked.

"Uhh… sure sweetheart," I said, shaking myself out of my stupor.

Carlisle flopped onto the bed and climbed in. "Thanks, babe," he said and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Goodnight," he said and snuggled under the covers. I could hear him almost immediately snoring softly as he fell into a fast, deep sleep.

_Damn. _I thought. _He didn't even notice my heaving bosom! _

I felt a little selfish wanting sex after his obviously trying day, but… _Damn!_

_Okay, maybe I need to nix the ratty terrycloth robe and get something a little newer. _

I took off the robe and rubbed my naked body against him, kissing his neck in a last ditch effort to rouse him. He grumbled sleepily and rubbed my thigh before falling back to sleep. _Fuck! _

**Carlisle POV**

"_Shh! Carlisle! The baby is sleeping!" she giggled and put a finger on my lips._

"_I don't care. Let him wake up. I want to hear you scream my name," I grunted as I stood pounding my wife against the kitchen counter with my cock, her breast in my mouth._

"_But, he just went to sleep a few minutes ago… ungh, yes… right there, baby, right there. So good," she whispered._

"_Esme, Emmett always goes out like a light. You know that," I said calmly while rolling her swollen clit between my fingers._

"_Carlisle!" she panted. "Fuck! Yes!!" _

_I suddenly heard a beeping sound. "Is that the baby monitor? Esme, what is that?"_

"_It's nothing. Please keep fucking me, baby. Carlisle!" she screamed and arched her back._

I awoke to the obnoxious beeping of my alarm clock. _Jesus fuck! _These dreams of our past sexual exploits were getting more vivid. Every damn night I would begin to have delicious crazy sex with my wife but then wake up unfulfilled because I had to go to work. _Damn! It's bad enough I get cockblocked in real life, but does it have to happen in my dreams too? So much for my plan to ravish her last night._ _What happened? _

Every shift it was the same thing. I was supposed to get off work at a certain time, which never happened. I was always a few hours late dealing with one crisis or another.

I turned and gazed at Esme's quiet, sleeping form. Her luscious auburn hair was draped over her bare shoulders. _Did she sleep in the nude last night? Holy fuck! How did I sleep through this? _

I remembered her trying to get my attention. She was not very subtle with her seductive posing, which would have normally driven me crazy if I had had any decent sleep in the past month. I could tell she was as horny and desperate as I was. The problem was I could not get away from the hospital long enough to eat, sleep, _and _fuck my wife. Something had to give.

I touched her soft cheek with the back of my hand and kissed her forehead before getting up before sunrise yet again to start my day. _No rest for the wicked. _

**Esme POV**

I woke up groggy from tossing and turning all night. I reached over to Carlisle's cold side of the bed and looked at the clock… 7:30. He had been gone for a couple of hours, back to work. I sighed and got up. I took a quick shower, threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and walked downstairs.

I saw the kids off and started making coffee in anticipation of Renee's visit. _At least she'll keep me entertained for a while today and help keep my mind occupied_.

oOoOo

"So… how did it go last night?" Renee purred. "Did you take advantage of any innocent vegetables?"

I blushed and looked down, giving myself away immediately.

"Oh my god, you actually did it, didn't you?" she laughed. "Why, you frisky little fucker, Esme!" I giggled back at her like a schoolgirl. "How did it go?"

My giggles subsided as I explained that everything with the carrot went fine, but it was not even a fraction as good as the real thing, which I was painfully denied, again.

"Maybe you can help me, Renee." I suddenly had an idea. "Could you help me pick out a new robe? My old terrycloth one has seen better days. No wonder he barely noticed me!" I chuckled.

"Well, of course, honey!" she exclaimed, sipping her coffee. "That's what girlfriends are for!"

oOoOo

We wandered around the Forks Mall for a while and ended up at Victoria's Secret. I started to feel a bit shy and exposed all of a sudden. "I don't know, Renee… I've never bought lingerie before," I said, my eyes darting around the place.

"Well, it gets the job done, honey," she winked.

I came across a row of soft, cotton robes. "Ahh, these look comfy!" I said.

"Comfy? What the hell do you want comfy for? Get something a little more dangerous!"

"Well, I think I'll just try one of these… For now," I added quickly when she frowned. "If this doesn't get his attention, I'll try something more dramatic," I explained. "I don't want to give the man an aneurysm."

"What? Oh for the love of…" she stammered, looking at my pathetic face. "Well shit, honey at least get this one," she said, picking up a short, hot pink cotton robe.

oOoOo

I waited for Carlisle that night in our bed with my new robe on, posing seductively. He came in, dragging his feet and put his things on top of his dresser. "Mrs. Cullen, I'm home," he said softly, as he always did, looking up at me. "Don't worry about dinner tonight, I'll just grab a sandwich downstairs."

He smiled, "New robe?"

"Yes, I just got it today," I said, running a finger along the edge of it near my breasts. "Do you like?"

"Hmm, yes, ma'am, I do like," he said, eyebrows wagging. He came over to the bed and kissed me softly on the lips. "A lot nicer than that old one, huh? I bet this one feels better."

"Yes," I whispered.

He groaned against my lips, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I've got to go eat something. I'm starving," he said with a sad smile and walked out the door. I sat up on the bed with a huff. _Damn! How can he be thinking of his stomach over sex?_

_I can't blame him. He just came off an 18-hour shift. I should be more patient with him. He was intrigued with the new robe, though. I'll just wait for him to come back. _

After waiting about 20 minutes, I walked downstairs to look for him. I found him slumped over the breakfast bar, fast asleep. I sighed and softly grabbed his shoulders. "Come on sweetheart, let's get you into bed."

oOoOo

"This calls for some drastic measures, honey, because you are clearly desperate." Renee said, sadly, the next morning when I told her about my lack of progress.

"Fuck Victoria's Secret, hon. You and I need to go to a place that's a little more… risqué."

"Umm… I don't know Renee," I said, nervously. "What are you suggesting?"

"Just hop in my car, honey, let Renee do all the thinking for you," she smirked.

oOoOo

We pulled up into a seedy looking strip mall on the outside of town. "Tina's Titillations?" I gasped, furiously digging around in my purse for my sunglasses. I certainly did not want to be recognized walking into this place.

"Hell yes, girl! They've got the best shit in town!" Renee laughed. "Trust me, hon."

We walked down the aisles of Tina's and I could barely see what was there because my hand was firmly held over my face, trying desperately not to make eye contact with anyone.

"Ooo! You've just gotta go with edible," said Renee, "which do you like better, banana or blueberry?"

"Umm… banana." I said quickly, trying to keep her moving along.

Renee suddenly had a very loud, very Southern accent, "Mmm… Bananner pannees… can't go wrong with these, hon!" she laughed and grabbed a package of them as I turned bright red. "Ooo! Fluffy handcuffs! You're definitely getting these," she mused, grabbing a pair and heading into the next aisle.

I ventured a quick look around and gave a sigh of relief when I didn't see anyone else there except for an older tattooed woman at the cash register wearing a leather vest who surely must be Tina. She didn't even look up from what she was reading.

I walked more freely then, feeling more comfortable than I did at the mall. I stumbled upon a large lingerie section and found a long, black silk robe that actually looked decent. I grabbed it to try it on when suddenly Renee's head was perched on my shoulder.

"Whatcha got there, Esme? Ooo! Now we're talking! Hon, that robe is slinky! Ooo, and look at this black negligee! These two would look very nice together. In you go!" she said as she shoved me into a dressing room. "Try these on too!" she said and handed me a pair of red lacy crotchless panties.

_Umm… no way. Those look a little too risqué for me. _I figured I'd try on the black negligee though, the lesser of the two evils Renee picked out.

_It actually isn't that bad_, I thought. It was a simple, short black slip with white piping on the thin straps and around the bust. A thin, see-through material flowed from the bust down to just grazing the tops of my thighs. _Carlisle would certainly like this, _I thought and tried the robe with it.

Feeling a little more sexy and brave, I tried on the crotchless panties. They actually didn't look too bad on, although to complete the whole look I decided to check if they came in black.

When I was back in my jeans and sweater, I went back to the lingerie section and found a pair of the panties in black. I smiled just thinking about the look on Carlisle's face when he sees me wearing this outfit. _Surely he couldn't ignore me in this, no matter how hungry or tired he is. He always used to like it when I'd wear something skimpy_, I thought with a smile.

Renee suddenly yelled out, loudly, "Hell girl, if this plan doesn't work, you'll need this as a backup!" She was holding up a giant dildo. "Lookie here, honey, this one's got a splash guard!"

I blushed, mortified, as Renee marched up to the cash register. "I'll take this one, please, The Manhandler? Thanks. Along with these handcuffs, edible underwear… whatever she's got over there, and some of this too," she said, grabbing a big tube of lube and handing over her credit card. Tina barely blinked as she started ringing up all of the items.

"I can't let you pay for all this stuff, Renee!" I whispered harshly, holding my hand over my red face.

"You can't stop me. I'm doing it," she declared. "Hey, then _you'll _be doing it!" she laughed. Somehow I just couldn't be mad at this crazy woman.

"Thanks, Renee," I said quietly, handing my lingerie pieces over for Tina to ring up.

oOoOo

"Any luck with the hubby, girl? We bought all that stuff from Tina's last week," Renee asked sympathetically.

"I haven't had a chance to use any of it, Renee." I sighed. "He's just been too tired from working all of these crazy shifts."

"Honey, we've gotta do something really crazy then."

"Renee, I already tried the cucumber a couple of days ago. It didn't work," I shuddered. "Not firm enough. It snapped in two and I had to dig part of it out. Bleh."

"Esme!" she said with a snort. "Jesus, I've created a monster," she muttered. "I meant that we need to get your husband a night off! Charlie knows all of the physicians in town. He could pull some strings."

"I don't know. It's pretty impossible."

"You just leave it to me. How about Saturday night?"

"Sounds great, but…"

"Just get your kids over to my house by 6:00. We'll have a sleepover at my place so that you can have a sleepover here," she winked.

oOoOo

**Charlie Swan POV**

"Damn it Renee, I already talked to the man two days ago," I groaned.

"Please, sweetie," Renee cooed. "Do it for me?" she batted her eyelashes before latching onto my neck with her mouth.

"Unghhh, Renee…"

"Yes, Charlie?" she whispered, sucking on the spot on my neck that always made my leg twitch. It felt so damn good, but if any of the guys down at the station ever found out about my "Puppy Spot," as Renee called it, I'd be so boned.

"Okay, okay, I'll do it," I shuddered, looking around to make sure none of the kids just saw that.

_Damn sensitive neck_.

"Good boy," she smiled, ruffling my hair. "Just make sure Dr. Aro has called Carlisle by now." She turned and sashayed into the kitchen.

"It's bad enough I've got every damn lothario from Forks High under my roof tonight trying to get with my daughter…" I mumbled on my way to the hallway phone.

"Daddy!" Bella ran up to me suddenly. "Please, can't we all sleep in my room tonight?" she asked, Bambi eyes on full god damned blast.

"Hell no!" I grunted. "Where's my shotgun?" I grumbled, looking around.

"Sweetheart, you and the girls can stay in your room, but the boys have to stay down in the family room," Renee yelled from the kitchen.

"Don't think I won't be up all night patrolling in front of your door tonight, Bells." _I'd do it too, if it weren't for my damn body shutting down early every night. _I knew I'd be sawing logs in just a few hours' time, but Bella didn't need to know that.

"Sure, whatever you say, Daddy!" Bella giggled and ran away. _Crap. I guess Bella's not a clueless kid anymore. _

"Damn eyeballs closing at 10:00 pm like clockwork," I groaned.

"…all I want is a friggin' beer and the damn Mariners game…" I grumbled, picking up the phone and dialing.

"Hello? Dr. Aro please."

"Hey, Jason, this is Charlie… Yeah, Renee has really been busting my balls about this… Oh, thank God. Thanks, Jason. I really owe you big time… Yep. Thanks, bud. Bye."

I hung up and sighed, trying to ignore the shouting and laughing going on in the family room.

"It's done!" I grunted at Renee, heading for the fridge to grab a Michelob at last.

"My hero!" she cheered. "You'll get your reward later, Chief Swan," she winked and quickly opened up her shirt to show me some pink lacey thing she was wearing underneath. All I could focus on was her heaving cleavage.

"Oh fuck me," I grunted. _Why are all these damn kids in my house again?_

oOoOo

**Carlisle POV**

I slumped in my chair, baffled that one of my attendings had the balls to make me take the night off.

I stared out the window. _This is definitely a good thing. I haven't had a night off in weeks. _

"Care for a sip?" Esme said from behind me.

"What? Oh, thanks, sweetie. What's for dinner?" I asked, grabbing the glass and taking a sip. _What the? Champagne with strawberries? I haven't had this since… _I turned around and looked up into the eyes of my beautiful wife, my gaze trolling down her body. "Oh good god," I whispered with a loud gulp.

She was wearing a long, silky black robe. I suddenly had a desperate need to find out what the hell was underneath it. I coughed and sat up straighter.

"I was thinking of something a little different for dinner tonight," she said, innuendo dripping from every word. She leaned down slowly, allowing one of her silky bare legs to peek out from the robe along with her ample cleavage as she grabbed my tie, loosening it from my neck.

I gulped, feeling an uncomfortable tightness in my pants. "Why, Mrs. Cullen, what has gotten into you?"

"You," she winked. "Tonight… if I'm lucky."

I growled in anticipation.

"See, I have this medical condition that only you can solve, Dr. Cullen," she said through heavy lidded eyes.

_Yowza._ "Wha… What would that be?"

"I've got a deep desire, of the sexual kind," she fucking purred and licked her lips as my dick twitched in response. "…that can only be cured by a deep cock injection."

_Holy fuck._ My eyeballs nearly burst from their sockets. I coughed. "Erm, what about the kids?" I asked softly.

"The children are all out at a sleepover."

"Oh. I see." I nodded and slowly pawed my hand over my face.

I immediately grabbed her by the waist, swinging her body over my shoulder as I sprinted toward the bedroom. _It has been too damn long. I have got to fuck this woman all night_, I thought. She giggled at my frantic movements. I hadn't felt this awake and turned on in months.

I set her down on her feet gently once we got into the bedroom and our movements turned painfully slow yet sensual. My lips gently explored her face and neck while my hands slowly untied the belt of her robe.

"Carlisle," she whispered. I snaked my hands under her robe and around her tiny waist.

I stroked the sides of her breasts, feeling some kind of silky, lacy fabric covering them. I slowly pushed the robe off her shoulders and onto the floor. "What the fuck are you wearing, Esme?" I grunted, my painfully hard erection growing at the sight.

"Just a little something I picked up the other day with Renee…" she said with a throaty voice.

"Esme…" I said, crushing my lips to hers as my hands explored. I paused to breathe and leaned back to gaze at her beautiful body. "Mrs. Cullen, this flimsy excuse for sleepwear leaves _very _little to the imagination." My fingers slid under a strap at her shoulder and pulled it down, exposing her breast. I started pinching and licking her hard nipple.

She panted and grabbed at my shirt, undoing the buttons. "So good, baby."

"Fuck me, you're gorgeous." I panted, my chest heaving as she finally got my buttons undone and ripped my shirt off.

"You're pretty fucking gorgeous, yourself, Dr. Cullen." She smirked and pushed me down onto the bed, straddling my crotch and grinding against my indecently hard erection.

I grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her down to my lips, frantically sucking and kissing her. "It's been too long, sweetheart," I said seriously between kisses. "I'm so sorry. I've been a terrible husband," I said, with much remorse. "I'm so exhausted every night, and you've been trying to get my attention but I'm either starving or barely able to keep my eyes open…"

"Shhh… darling, just be here with me, now." She kissed me back with more fervor. "Just fuck me now, baby."

I groaned and reached up again to pull the other strap off her shoulder. My lips made a trail from her neck down between the soft flesh of her breasts. "Your tits are so fucking perfect, baby," I grunted, sucking and teasing her nipples.

"Oh Carlisle, that feels so fucking good." She grabbed at my belt buckle and fumbled, attempting to undo it in her lust-filled haze.

"Wait. Allow me." I stood up and tugged my clothes off frantically. _Shoes off first, dumbass, then pants._

I freed my now painfully erect penis and stalked my way back to Esme, who was ogling me and nearly drooling. "Now you are wearing entirely too much clothing, Mrs. Cullen."

She sat up on her knees to meet me as I stalked my way toward her. Her glorious tits were on full display, but she was still wearing the negligee. She shivered as I roughly grabbed the flimsy material and tore it away from her body. "Ungh, Carlisle…"

"Holy shit, sweetheart…" I silenced her moaning with a furious kiss and pushed her gently down onto her back. "Are these fucking crotchless panties?" I asked, fingering the flimsy black material surrounding her moist heat.

"Yes…" she breathed, her eyes rolling back into her head as I continued to gently stroke the skin surrounding her sinful choice of underwear.

"Why, you dirty little bitch, Mrs. Cullen," I grinned against her swollen lips, kissing her furiously.

**Esme POV**

He hovered over me, his blonde curls flopping into his face. I greedily grabbed at them, pushing my hands into his hair as he moaned, "That feels so good, baby." He stroked my body with his long, silky fingers from my neck down between my breasts and hovered them over my hot sex. "Let me make you feel even better, Esme."

His long, agile fingers dipped into my now dripping vagina as his thumb circled my clit. I shuddered and moaned in ecstasy. "I want to taste you, darling," he said. "You said something about dinner?" he grinned.

"Yes, please," I begged, panting.

"Fuck, baby, you are so wet for me, Mrs. Cullen," he exclaimed, his strong arms circling around my thighs, holding me up so he could get the perfect angle.

"So fucking wet." He lapped his tongue against my clit as his masterful fingers continued to play me like an instrument. He was gentle at first but soon he was pounding me, fucking me with those talented fingers. The feeling was ungodly and it didn't take long before I was exploding all around him and shuddering.

"Esme," he panted, out of breath. "You are so fucking gorgeous, baby."

"Come back to me," I whispered, panting and coming down from my orgasm. My arms opened up to him as he made his way back up my body and met my lips with a sweet kiss. I licked at his lips, tasting myself on him.

His strong arms circled around my shoulders in a tight embrace. "Now, young lady. You've got a need for one deep cock injection?" he whispered into my ear.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen," I panted. "I desperately need one now."

"Prescription strength?" he said, sucking my earlobe into his mouth. Shivers ran down my spine. _Jesus christ._

"Yes, dear god, please, Dr. Cullen, I need you," I gasped, wrapping my legs around his back. Carlisle positioned himself at my entrance.

"Oh god, Esme," he groaned as he filled me slowly and completely with his cock. I breathed in sharply and moaned in his ear.

"God, I love you," he whispered. "What did I do to deserve you?" His lips lightly caressed my neck and collarbone. "Don't ever let me go this long without having you." His pace was slow and gentle, and my hips met his with every stroke.

"Fuck me, baby, deeper. Please, Carlisle," I growled in his ear. "I need you so much."

"Fuck yes," he said and grabbed my right leg and pushed it up so he could get better access. His other hand roughly massaged my breast as his pace quickened, fucking me with a frenzied tempo.

"Ungh! So good," I said, panting, "Don't stop!" I shrieked. He continued pounding his giant cock into me, my leg still up in the air.

"Baby, cum with me…" he grunted. "Esme…" His free hand left my breast and trailed down. He pinched my clit hard and ground his body down onto it, making my body rupture in a way I hadn't felt in a loooong time.

"Carlisle!" I cried out as I grabbed his shoulders and rode out another orgasm, rainbows and fucking unicorns dancing with stars and glitter in front of my eyes.

"Esme, christ!" he yelled and exploded inside me, thrusting a few more times before lowering my leg and collapsing on top of me. Our bodies heaved as we gasped for air.

"Damn, baby, that was so… oh my god," I shook my head, a shit-eating grin spread wide across my face.

Carlisle looked at me through his curly hair and smiled a crooked grin, which almost made me cum all over again. "Jesus, you look like a Greek god," I gasped. "Sweetheart, you are so fucking unreal." I closed my eyes and pushed my hands up into my hair, still struggling for breath.

He smirked and kissed me passionately, caressing the sides of my breasts lightly with his fingertips. "How about we grab the rest of that champagne and go take a long bath, Mrs. Cullen?" He kissed me and sat up, the muscles in his arms and chest flexing from the movement.

"Yes, please," I breathed and sat up to join him. He stood up and grabbed my hands to lead me into the bathroom. "Dear god, let's not ever wait that long again, Carlisle," I panted, still recovering from our lovemaking. "I don't think my body can take being away from you for that long."

"Good god, neither can mine. I crave you, Esme," he said earnestly, wrapping me in his arms. "Make sure Renee takes you back to the store to replenish your lingerie supply," he smirked. "Oh, and tell her and Charlie thanks for getting a replacement for me at work tonight," he winked.

"What?" I laughed.

"Renee left me this," he pulled out a card, "it just says to enjoy tonight and we can thank them tomorrow," he chuckled. "I had no idea what she meant until I saw you after I got that phone call. I forgot that Charlie and Jason Aro were old friends."

"Well, we should have them all over for dinner sometime soon. Now, what were you saying about a foot massage in the tub?"

"I just said a bath, but if you'd like to rub my feet, please go ahead," he teased as I smacked his ass.

"Just get the bath started," I said rolling my eyes. "I'll get the champagne."

I went into the kitchen and grabbed the strawberries from the fridge. Still feeling bold and frisky, I bit into one and rubbed the juicy flesh of the fruit onto my chest. I grabbed the opened bottle of champagne and practically skipped back into the bathroom.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen," I said seductively as I rubbed the strawberry onto my hardened nipple. He whipped his head up from where he was bent over the tub, and his mouth dropped open.

"Fuck me, you'll be the death of me yet, gorgeous," he whispered as he stalked toward me with hungry eyes, his dick rock hard again. I moaned as he grabbed me, his tongue lapping up all the strawberry juices from my breasts, sucking each hardened bud into his mouth with a slurp.

He kissed me again recklessly, the sweet taste of strawberry mixed with his lips and tongue nearly made me faint into his arms.

"Get into this tub, now," he growled. "I'm ready for round two."

"Yes, Doctor," I giggled and eased into the tub as he opened up the linen closet to grab some towels.

"Esme, baby… what the fuck are you hiding in here? The Manhandler?!?"


End file.
